X · Collective

Tomorrow morning (April 3rd) Apprx. 9:00 a.m. I slap on my lucky cowboy boots, and make my way into Soho.
I begin my job at Edun. V. excited. I will be designing men's. I checked out our new store down on 91 Franklin between Broadway and Crosby? It may be the first job where I design stuff that I would actually want to wear. V. Nice product. Beautifully tailored. The first thing that Young Song said Edun was concerned with was fit. Hallelujah & Amen.

I can not wait. So much has changed since last we met.

I moved, and moved again. I left Park Slope recently (a lovely place where people actually roll down their car window to apologize to you for blocking the crosswalk......the 100% opposite of manhattan), and moved in with my baby. Lurv. We also have a loverly garden apt. over in Chelsea (not "fabulous!!!" chelsea, but the gallery district near the highline) Which I am excited to throw some barb-q's at, and hopefully pick out a little west-y of my own to play with and walk around (and, yes, stuff in a bag a la Paris Hilton).

The years have changed me a bit. The mohawk is grown out and is natural color (I will def. be bald someday), though the piercings have stayed.
I believe I am less idealistic, but infinitely more patient than I was years ago. I have climbed higher than I thought I might, and realized it was not so hard, and plan to keep going. I have discovered a distaste for some things I once loved. Some toys have been flung aside (guitar), I play occasionally, but after meeting celebrities, and the music industry.....It is NOT for me.....and Tanya D. was right.....in many cases "All your heroes are whores". I somehow fell into what I was meant to be. A Designer. Someone whose sole focus is the constant betterment of the world around them, and themselves. I believe to be a designer is the best that a human can be. To be in love with ideas, and to be in love with living and learning. It is a noble profession. Fashion aside I have discovered a love of all design; motors, text, interiors, exteriors, medical equipment, and problem solving.

I will soon be 25. A strange notion. I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far. So let's keep going.

I will try and update this journal. I have discovered that I automatically seem to try, and stop doing whatever I said I was going to do. The older I get the less I even let myself think about these things. I will attempt to pull away from bitching so often. It's really pointless, and lame.

The older I get the less I even desire to talk, and the more I enjoy privacy. I will not be sharing everything, anymore.
Perhaps it is best to keep an account of things done.

J.

Today's Events:
1. Duck Pate Sandwich (with pickles! delicious!) (over on 9th and 21st)
2. Home Repairs with Owen In Chelsea
3. Visited Victor Matthew's Studio w. Owen, Matt, Lorianna
4. Walked Across the Manhattan Bridge on Foot with Owen. Nice!
5. Realized some of Sex in the City is really annoying because they say "single girl", and "new york city" too much.....like a commercial, plus they freaking sleep around way too much. It worries me.
6. I HATE CHINA TOWN!
7. Met the first friendly laundry woman EVER. The French Cleaners on 22nd & 9th. She was SO smiley.
8. Went to 192 Bookstore.......got assassination vacation by sarah vowell........ It is interesting, but she jumps around too much.
9. Showed Owen Rogan's Store
10. Hot Dogs, Mac n Cheese, & Asparagus. YUM!....sometimes slumming it white trash style, just tastes right.
11. Aloe Juice tastes great.

We'll murder what matters to you and move on to your neighbors and kids. - Rilo Kiley

Fitting.

The results are in.
And it's scary.

Why america has CHOSEN this man!?
After watching a few news programs...it seems the number one reason was not.
A) the economy
B) the war
C) health care

it was MORAL VALUES!?!?!?! F&%$!!!!!!!!
WTF is wrong with this Country?
MORAL VALUES?
Like what?

I could rant and rave for pages but that would only be preaching to the choir.
Suffice to say. I hope those who voted for Bush are satisfied living with their head buried in the sand.
Without a job.
Without health care.
With (more than likely) a dead son or daughter lost to a meaningless war.
In a state of Economic Depresssion.
As victims of the a HUGE defecit that will only get bigger.
& As the laughingstock of all Industrialized nations.

At least (THANK GOD) those "DAMNED GAYS AINT GONNA BE MARRIED"
God forbid we allow equal rights and happiness in a country that literally wrote those words as the point for sustaining itself.

I think the worst of it is this.
If it was just about greed...then I could understand the evil. (and fight it) BUT here's the thing.
The government actually wastes and loses money constantly fighting legal battles over gay rights, over health care issues concerning gays, and over hospital bills etc....that go unpaid for victims of disease etc. who can not recieve necessary benefits from their partners.
THEY LOSE MONEY.
But yet......they would rather waste their money and your tax dollars fighting gays, than simply being like... "Hmm... they're gonna fuck each other in the butt whether we like it or not...."

SO.. the point is...their hatred goes deeper than greed. AND THAT truly scares me. How do you fight that? pure blind hatred and fear? How has this country embraced fear so deeply? How!?!?!? What's to be afraid of?

The fear goes so deep they would choose to strip me of the right to marry a human I love over having a job, education for their children, good foreign relations, health care, etc. etc. etc.!?!?!?! WTF!
WHERE are the priorities?
The nation's children will indefinitely thank todays generation for freeing them of the HORROR of gay marriage while adversely plunging our country into darkness.

A FASHION SIDE NOTE.
Something else the government isnt telling you that I will.
As a designer and as a businessman who now a days must deal with factories and business in foreign countries including India, japan, china, the Philippines. ETC........I have info that the average American does not.
Heres the thing. The factories we depend on so heavily overseas to produce everythign for us......
They HATE us (which I think goes without saying), BUT...... NOT only that.....They are beginning to refuse to work with us.
The American dollar is on it's way to worthless. Our country expects waaaaaay more for waaaay less than it should, and now that other country's currency is trumping ours.....the factory's have very little issue with turning away American business.
W ain't telling you that.
Not only are Jobs being exported, but those jobs at home which depend on other countries to produce the things designed here are slowly going to disappear as well.
Isn't that great!?!?! I have experienced this first hand with my jobs and I am not making things up.

So.
What now?
I believe that all rational citizens will begin to look for citizenship in other countries.
I do not believe there is much hope for this nation aside from impeachement.
The fall of America the holy empire is Inevitable. 1984 was only a bit shy on the date.
If anyone has any sort of knowledge on applying to other countries for citizenship I would be most grateful.
At least as a designer I can work anywhere.

Ps. I am VERY ashamed that this election was cost by my home state of Ohio. I spent 21-22 years figuring out a plan to escape the dreaded confines of that ugly little state, and NOW they have figured out a way to haunt me.

Overall.
Im off to work.
Whilst I still have a job....enjoy it while it lasts folks.

I truly can not believe this is happening. For the first time in my life (im including 9-11 here) I feel actual hopelessness. And I feel very suprised by the values and morals of this country which I assumed were more in line with my values (and with anyone who has half a brain and turns the fucking tv off for at least 30 minutes to ponder life...and draw their own conclusions)

For America I leave you a quote from the Prophet Courtney Love....it's extremely fitting I think.

"I made my bed, I'll die in it.....my friends"

Josh

So.
to be judge judy or a do another night out as Courtney Love.
Thing is YOU KnOW Ill have more fun as Courtney. Adn look WAAAY hotter,
Courtney it is. thanks mom and dad for sending me the judges robe though......lol.

Whirlwind week of designing and redesigning.
A great 2nd date with B2.
Invited me to Las Vegas.....we'll see If I can pull that off.

Been writing some songs.
On the DL...apparently Theo may sing on our album.
Ofcourse this could all be hearsay.
But if she does. Well great.
If not we still rock!

I guess its back to hunting down an apartment.
Joe is driving me nuts....he just won't talk, and I give up.
I really didn't want to liev alone, but maybe Its time josh-y was a big boy
with his own apartment. Can you imagine how crazy my place will look?
I can't. Maybe Ill wallpaper with old jeans...:)

Some Lyrics.
( Read more... )

I need to shower and look cute.
I have a lunch date with the boyeeee and some costuming to get ready.
I do not think I will be going out with Joe and Racheal and Connie.
I just am not comfortable with Joe right now.....and I dont feel like being near him.
I want to have some fun.

Cool enough to almost be it fool enough to not quite see it.
I just want to be me.
Josh

Well hey.

Wrote a new song. It's funny. I will go on modifying and messing with stuff Ive written.....Write tons and tons of guitar parts...then suddenly the bridge Im writing for some guitar part becomes the whole song and much cooler than anything else Ive done and lyrics just fling themselves on it. Weird. Almost like Im barely part of the creative process although I am the conduit it happens through. Its weird that I feel that My 6th sense shows itself through song writing.....prophetically. I will write lyrics with very little idea of their meaning, but as time goes by they become a narrative for what happens in life. Like I write my own fucking soundtrack before the show even starts. Instead of after like the average artist. Maybe its being connected with ones subconcious? Who knows. I also agree with the Tori Amos school of Lyrics. the first things that fall out your mouth seem to usually be the most pure. The less I have to play with them the better they are. I usually can write the whole of the lyrics in 5 minutes. And somehow its like the greatest piece of work I produce. Whereas if I think and think and think it becomes too much. Im also becomming aware of certain phrasings and favorite key changes..... My open chord obsession.......little things.... I use the 1st string obsessively. Which is ofcourse the weakest string and the easiest to bust and there I am hammering away on it. Suprise. Its weird how certain things just sound good to you, they just seem natural. I realized the verse part of this song I wrote, actually uses a different paced chord progression SUPER similar to a bridge I wrote WAAAAAAAY back for another song (you can barely tell because one is a lot of picking with bends and hammerings while the verse version is all chords). How does the mind remember that and suddenly just bust it out? How do certain timing and chord changes sound magical while others sound like crap? Is that god? Is it just good math? Who can be sure.

In other news.... joe and I are sorta talking. It feels like a wall has been thrown up though. I just dont get it. Plus I didnt think I'd like this boy, BUT I adversely dont think its fair of him to be upset or angry or hurt by me liking his boys ex. Is it really that suprising that I might like the boy his boy liked? I mean we apparently all have some stuff in common or something? Whatever Its not a worry or somethign that upsets me, I just cant figure out Joe and what he wants, BUT Im not going to live my life accordingly to "how Joe will be happy", and I dont think I could since he cant even express what it is thats bothering him. In all honesty I dont believe he wants to see me happy with someone, although I have no qualms over him and his boy. Being perfect can be so trying sometimes. LOL. jk. I have a few faults. lol........

The song is relevant to this situation and my un-sureness about the whole thing and how to navigate it properly. What I want and what other want, and what I perceive them wanting. I know what I want, but only time will tell how this will play out. Its weird. How sometimes people are in your life for 5 minutes and sometimes they are there for 3 years. What makes that happen? And I dont htink our 3 year relationship was that fulfilling or magical. there are many good thinigs I will miss. I remember distinctly towwards teh end, when I knew it was ending, we wer like rolling around in bed tickling each other and it was really just good.....and I thought then....savor this and remember that there was some good things......I knew it was a sinking ship. He knew it. There were definently a lot of good parts to us, but ultimately I do not htink we fulfilled each other or even got to know each other the way we should have. It can be both our faults but Im an open book and he holds his secrets so close. All in all Im glad its done. I didnt think I would be, but I would never go back, and I would never want to be with him again. I love our friendship, but if something this trivial (and In my head its a pretty trivial circumstance......we will always be in each others lives, and I doubt it will be the last time we get put in similar situations.) can cause such a rift.....well then how strong is our friendship? And If he thinks that every step of the way in my life I am either tossing his feelings aside or doing things to hurt him......well get over it. Im not. I cant do much more to be his friend than be his friend. He needs to do some hard thinking and come out of his comfort zone. With the Info I have I cant do anything more for him. My room is 20 steps from his door, and Im pretty open to any talks. Time will tell.

I have to get to work. Argh. Ok peace out LJ girls and ghouls.
Whats everyone being for Halloweenie?
I am going to be Judge Judy!!!!! LOL..... I didnt come up with that it was Joe or amy or Racheal. It is brilliant.
Any excuse to throw on some hideous makeup and run around screaming at people. we should do a recap of Past josh Looks.



Lets just think about those for a minute.
xoxo
josh

So here.

Its October.The cold has set in. Im happy. I want to share my happiness. I want to date I have decided I may be ready (although I kinda dated.....for a bit there earlier this summer....it was more just fun....)....... Will that person magically show up through a friend? Will I meet them on the street? Will I have the courage to ask them on a date? Will I have to be the one to ask?

As the days get shorter and colder I wish there was someone to share them with, but Im happy alone....just kinda waiting. How does one meet people these days? How? Im very clueless. Heres the thing. I don't really like clubs. Or the people I meet there. Ill admit that I have met people from online but those seem to go badly.....and Im not too interested in doing that anymore......So what?

My list of rules was pretty long and only gets longer. I tend to listen to my gut more and more which cuts people down faster and faster. Its gotten t o the point where I can tell half way through the date that Im not interested or they arent. Is that good or bad? I believe good. Sometimes I picture him. I think he might be like a cute smartie....who either does some sort of art or somethign artsy related. probably some tats and piercings....definently black.... I just think black skin is so attractive. Alek wek is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. I hope no one takes that wrong.....anyways. Likes to cook. Likes to read. Likes to think (har har). Likes to hang out wiht me a couple times a week. Likes hot sex.....(after I figure out they will stick around)....etc.

I dont know. they'll come along. How did all of you Meet each other out there in LJ land?

In other news.....Im knitting a sweater. I went shopping for work all over the darned place. Barneys, diesel, dkny, niketown, nicole farhi, atrium, lounge, ralph lauren...etc etc. etc. It was fun we spent some money and found some cool stuff for the holiday collection.

Muguette took me to some small cuiban resturant where we had mexican hot chocolate (YUMMERS!) and I ordered a cuban sandwich. YUM!!! That was about it. Just got boys on the brain. I feel badly...you poor people must think all I think about is boys but honestly they arent on my mind much...I just feel like hashing out my thoughts on them here a lot. Who knows.

Later Gators
Josh

someone is serioulsy fucking banging outsie our windows...... its like 9 in the AM!! WTF ARE YOU DOING!?!?!!??

I mena i woke up already but I dont want to hear pounding at 9 in the am on a saturday im gonna go fucking kill that guy. what an asshole.

so my dr. canceled my appointment. That was nice. BLEAH.
I didnt go to matt's birthday. I will go to brunch with them sunday instead.
I bought my ipod and Im in love..... I also bought the lovely JBL 99 dollar speakers adn htey sound amazing.
At first I was like.....oh this is some money im spending....BUT I have abroken stereo and a broken walkman so essentially to replace them i would have paid about the same...PLUS now I can burnt he cds and sell them back....... so I guess its okay.

watched the debates again last night. They went well bush looked like a fool. As usual. i mean its hard ot believe Kerry can pull off all the claims he makes, but at least he starting to fight back thank god. AND WHAT is this BS the media keeps spewing after each debate. "Bush did well", "Kerrys a flip flopper", yada yada...when did the media get to be SO biased and so full of shit. I mean the crap they spew.....how can people stand to listen? I dont turn on my news for opinions.... I need facts....what happened to that? Im so glad that the WMD came up a ton. Bush looked like an idiot especiallly after he literally broke the rules and went on and on about whatever. Fuck. they dont need him... they just need a puppet to spew 5 phrases "They/We/I Love freedom", "The world is a safer place without Saddam", "Kerrys a flip flopper", "etc. what really bothers me is htat until recently Kerry didnt really lay into Bush, but the whole time bush's campaign has consisted of trashing Kerry.... Finallly Kerry addressed it. Thank goodness. I can not stadn how immature and childish bush is. there is no reason to trash Kerry instead of actuallly answering questions..... How can anyone possibly think this is a man worthy as their president. How low is the average americans IQ!?

sorry for the rant. just waiting for coffee to boil.

Saw john Stewart form the Dialy Show yesterday at his book signing. That was fun. The akademiks Design team took a field trip over to hear him speak.

Maybe Ill put up some wedding pictures.
Later gators.
Josh

Hey.

Its been awhile. I cant remember what I last talked about on here?

Plaid and Koneko? probably? the band is good.

New updates:
1. found a room mate his name is Kiran Max Webber and he is a nice 25 yr old graphic designer with a nice girlfriend, and we will be apt. hunting around NYC. Heres to cheap rent 9croses fingers)

2. Still havent recieved the photos for the shoot I styled. BUT they are real...dominique and I keep missing one anohter. So once I have them in hadn I can hopefully post some...although I dont have a scanner so who knows?

3. AKDMKS - things are good. Muguette just had her b-day. Happy B-day! We had a sales meeting and my polo was one of the top sellers...both muguette and my work apparently sold very well, and we are 1 of the top 3 urban brands now! YEAH!

4. Medical Problems - Im going ot kill myself. Seriously. First the bacterial infection. then the pink eye. Which has turned itself into uv-itis which means I have an inflammed eye which menas there little white blood cells floating around it which means its like im lookinhg through a dirty window. Have ANOTHER Dr. appointment today. she freaked me out, but now I have to get blood tests to make sure its not something else causing this. THEN. Either I fucking pulled my knee muscle or sprained it....but it hurts like a crazy bitch. Is there a disease that causes your joints to hurt? Im falling apart. Seriously.....I cant take much more. It has to get better. HAS TO. Im 23 this shouldnt be happening. I feel like im paying for years of not having any medical problems.....by lumping them all into one nightmare year. At Least I have health insurance. Fuck Bush and his BS about making health care better. Dude, you have had 4 years. fuck yourself...prepare to get fired.

5. Bush - Dont fucking vote for bush. Who the hell watched the first debate and thinks he can seriously run a countyr? the man cant make a full sentence without trouble. Fuck him.

6. Home - Went home for my brothers birthday and Nicki's wedding. It was beautiuful. the girl is amazing. She made her own cake and the bridesmaid dresses. It was really a nice wedding. Argot was my date (ahhhh...my fiancee argot) I saw my family....who I miss more and more each day. I woke up one morning crying and cried to my dad about how much I miss them which he said made him feel nice, I guess maybe I dont tell them I miss them enough? I do though. The older I get the more I miss them. The less I wand tot grow up too. So randomn..... when I went Home bush decided to choose my damn home town to make his speech!!! my hometown. My dad was so excited and got my brother tickets even though he hates bush....he's like it's so neat its the president, and I said "Dad, It's like Hitler comming to town"..... Bleah. Then Argot and I went to breakfast at Dodie's (YES in Akron Ohio) and randomnly Marissa Tomei and Aidan Quinn came in for breakfast with argots friend!?!? randomn. there were there for ACT up.

7. Eye Patch - I am claimming now that if you see any eye patches on the runway for the comming seasons its my fault. I had to wear one for pink eye and I went out to opaline and RANDOMNLY the whole heatherette gang was at a tabel and literally fucking pointed me out and richie rich stared at my eye patch for a bit before I waved and left. RANDOMN. AND THEN!!!! I fucking ran into MARC JACOBS.... yes marc jacobs himself......walking by Central Park wearing a "god hates your SUV" tee shirt. He totally stopped and starred at the eye patch as well. So All Im saying is that you should not be suprised when that is the next hot accessory. Just thank me.

8. IPOD. I think Im oging to buy an IPod today. What is the consensus. I accidentally broke my walkman, and my f-ing stereo wont work right anymore.....I think its a sign from above.

9 Argot - She amazes me everytime I see her. Is it weird that I think there is more than one type of love? I know that we are in love with each other. It's weird. Its like.....non sexual, but the most pure love I have felt for someone in awhile. She amazes me. She makes me laugh...... In the end.... It almost makes more sense, that kind of love. It has no lust fueling it. Just an amazement at this other person and what they think, feel, and do. Amazing. Every single Picture pinned to her wall she took of landscapes, people, sunsets, cats.....amazing. Beautiful......If she is not recognized as a brilliant artist in this era, she will be after we move on to the next place. I don't know how a human can use a polaroid camera to capture such emotion and depth........ In the average humans' hands a camera is a toy, and an object that does what its told. In Argot's hand it's a weapon against all that is wrong with the world. singlehandedly she captures truth and beauty in perfect little squares of film. Amazing.

Time to get to work. Dr.'s APPT at 5 ... wish me luck. Cross your fingers and pray for me, or whatever acts you prefer. I need some hope and some help.......

xoxo
Josh

fuck.
im sick still.
its been a good week and a half....
which means I should be getting over htis shit by now.
Well...mostly symptoms have cleared except for the fever last night... which was fine this morning....a nd my constantly funky tummy.

Any suggestions guys?
Ive turned to only eating soups breads and green teas..which seems to be helpful.
I did a lot of wrong things.
1. dont eat popcorn,lettuce or rice when sick... they are really hard for your tummy to digest....oops i ate them all.
2. sleep...... yeah try doing that and finishing a collection.
3. dont eat cheese or coffeee............ooops

SO yeah there you have it. Im not sure whats going on in there Im going to go to the doctor this week I suppose...hopefully I will be getting my insurance this month. otherwise....yikes..........

apparently amanda lepores new message is very funny according to joe.... Ill have to go listen.
apartment hunting is on hold until im better.
so cross your fingers and toes and say a little prayer for me. cuz I could use all the help I can get.

xoxo
josh

ps. could this be left over from honk kong? can you get stomach crap like 2 weeks after? shouldnt it have showed up earlier? i dont know.